Your Trailer Told Me You Suck

My parent's told me that when I was little, I would get more excited for the TV commercials than the TV shows. Now, at 26, I've traded in Bart Simpson with his Butterfingers for Liam Neeson fighting wolves. Of course, I'm at the theater for the feature presentation, but I get a real kick out of the previews; the short, two minute bursts of action that leave you laughing and frustrated or impressed and interested.

I say laughing and frustrated because, more often than not, I come upon a trailer that just rubs me the wrong way; a stupid line/line read, generic pacing, spoiler footage, etc. First impressions are very important, and most of the time, I'm shaking my head before the movie even gets released:

1. "Unknown"

I provided the tv spot for this movie as it includes one line that ruined the WHOLE film for me. A bad guy says to Liam Neeson "You really don't remember anything". Liam looks at him, and responds, "I remember how to kill you!". WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?! Is the bad guy some sort of mutant that can only be destroyed by hitting it in the back of the head? Killing another human being is universal knowledge with plenty of viable methods. They just wrote that line so that Liam can be an action hero bad ass, without thinking that it makes him come off like a moron.

2. "Skyline"

Now, I've already written about why this movie sucks as a whole. But, believe it or not, I actually thought that the first trailer was pretty good: by showing us little real footage, and using actual news footage made the movie seem mysterious and intriguing. When the second trailer rolled around, I was pretty excited. Decent special effects, interesting alien invasion, Eric Balfour screaming and crying into the sky... THAT'S how you want to sell your movie? By showing a clip of a grown man acting like a girl scout? Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

3. "Safe"

I first saw this trailer when I went to go see "Haywire". For starters, it ran after the trailer for "Safe House" - kind of an odd pairing. Then, we get a generic description of a criminal underworld, before the narrator tells us that the most wanted character in the story is...a little girl. The build up and pay off to all that made this seem like a comedy. And when we are introduced to Jason Statham - dressed like a hobo but is really the greatest ex cop ever - I KNOW it's a comedy. Problem is, it's not billed as an over the top, larger than life action film - it's all taken too seriously. Give me a Charles Bronson style ridiculous fest, and I just might buy a ticket. Try to be an action drama with a been there done that story, and I just might cough up my popcorn while cackling.

No matter how bad they can be, I always make sure I arrive in time for the trailers. Yes, I may roll my eyes before wanting to gouge them out, but, more often than not, I'm laughing. Maybe some previews are meant to be hilariously bad? Or maybe I'm giving too much credit.

Almost on MovieBoozer: "Hesher"

MovieBoozer.com is a fun movie review site. I've already contributed two reviews, and have plans to continue. The other day, I finally got to watch "Hesher". After I finished writing a review up, I realized that one already existed on the site. Oops, but no big deal. Here is my almost MovieBoozer review of "Hesher":

Typically, when you think of an angel, you think of someone with wings, a halo and loose fitting white clothing. This angel is also extremely caring and comforting, making sure everything is alright. A nice image, sure, but what if it’s slightly incorrect? What if your angel chose jet black hair and tattoos instead of a halo, and ditched Angelic 101 to wreck a neighbor’s backyard and make homemade explosives? Say hello to “Hesher”.

We are introduced to our film’s title character through the trials and tribulations of T.J. Forney, who recently lost his mother in a car accident. Living with his depressed father (Rainn Wilson) and sweet grandmother (Piper Laurie) his days are filled with longing and anger, as well as torment from a bully. Just when things couldn’t get any worse, Hesher (Joseph Gordon Levitt), a headbanging squatter, moves into T.J.’s home uninvited, and proceeds to break the family down even further – though maybe it’ll be good for them.

A Toast

I have to give applause to Hesher himself. He is an aggressively vulgar free spirit, entering and exiting places and lives with an almost supernatural ability. As I described above, He is essentially T.J.’s angel / counselor, helping the family get through their grief mostly by forcing confrontations, blowing shit up and making vulgar – yet spot on – metaphors. Maybe I like the character’s flamethrower style attitude because I kinda know a real life version – less vulgar and violent, but with a similar “cause a problem, walk out like a hero” personality. He is definitely one of the more memorable characters in recent cinema history.

 A character like this must be handled just right, as some actors would be tempted to go over the top. Joseph Gordon Levitt knows exactly how to play this characters energy as naturally as possible. I’m reminded a bit of his performance in “Killshot”, playing a comedic criminal buffoon. While that particular character required some scenery chewing, it also needed the same amount of natural energy. Pretty impressive for an actor to pull that out (though I wonder how/why He even has energy to do Hesher).

Beer Two

This film’s main selling point is also it’s only real detraction. The film may follow T.J.’s family, but it feels more like an all out exhibition for Hesher. At every turn, Hesher is there, to outshine almost everybody. Not that Rainn Wilson or Natalie Portman (as a grocery store clerk / possible motherly surrogate for T.J.) go unnoticed, but…Hesher is just such a dominate character. We do care about the family and all, but we’re more interested in what Hesher has in store than anything else. Maybe this isn’t worthy of a second beer, and maybe I’m nitpicking a tad – maybe the second beer should just be given to Hesher. You know, in case He shows up.

Verdict

I think GG Allin said it best: “With [me], you don’t get what you expect – you get what you deserve.” Exactly.

Image via Wikipedia

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a drink: Everytime Hesher blows something up or lights something on fire.

Take a drink: Whenever it seems like T.J.’s life couldn’t get any worse.

Take a drink: In Hesher’s honor

Appropriately Underrated: Quick "Skyline" Thoughts

When the word underrated is tossed around, it implies that something has had its quality overlooked. Sometimes, however, that somethings' quality has been underrated on purpose.

“Skyline” follows a group of characters that could've been extras in any of the “Fast and Furious” films, who wake up after a penthouse party and are forced to pretend that the city is being harvested by aliens. The rest of the movie features highlights such as Donald Faison producing a gun from nowhere, and Eric Balfour DEMANDING that the survivors go to the roof, despite the fact that the idea has been nixed several times.

When I first saw Balfour's character screaming at the sky in the trailer, I laughed myself to the conclusion that this would suck. I only ended up watching this on Netflix after I took a writing assignment for InvadeNola. And from what I understand, I am not alone in my thoughts regarding the movie.

The only two positives that I can think of are also negatives. One - Paul Walker was not in it. This is a positive for the obvious reason, and a negative because this is exactly the kind of movie that I'd expect him to be cast in(especially the first 15 minutes). Two - The special effects. The alien ships and the disaster they cause are quite impressive visually. Unfortunately, they are not used to serve the story. The whole movie comes off, to me, as an advertisement to get business for a visual effects company("look at what our computers can do!").

Indeed, this is underrated, and for good reason. But, I would still recommend this be viewed - Eric Balfour's tearful screaming will induce such wonderful laughter.