Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Your Trailer Told Me You Suck

My parent's told me that when I was little, I would get more excited for the TV commercials than the TV shows. Now, at 26, I've traded in Bart Simpson with his Butterfingers for Liam Neeson fighting wolves. Of course, I'm at the theater for the feature presentation, but I get a real kick out of the previews; the short, two minute bursts of action that leave you laughing and frustrated or impressed and interested.

I say laughing and frustrated because, more often than not, I come upon a trailer that just rubs me the wrong way; a stupid line/line read, generic pacing, spoiler footage, etc. First impressions are very important, and most of the time, I'm shaking my head before the movie even gets released:

1. "Unknown"

I provided the tv spot for this movie as it includes one line that ruined the WHOLE film for me. A bad guy says to Liam Neeson "You really don't remember anything". Liam looks at him, and responds, "I remember how to kill you!". WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?! Is the bad guy some sort of mutant that can only be destroyed by hitting it in the back of the head? Killing another human being is universal knowledge with plenty of viable methods. They just wrote that line so that Liam can be an action hero bad ass, without thinking that it makes him come off like a moron.

2. "Skyline"

Now, I've already written about why this movie sucks as a whole. But, believe it or not, I actually thought that the first trailer was pretty good: by showing us little real footage, and using actual news footage made the movie seem mysterious and intriguing. When the second trailer rolled around, I was pretty excited. Decent special effects, interesting alien invasion, Eric Balfour screaming and crying into the sky... THAT'S how you want to sell your movie? By showing a clip of a grown man acting like a girl scout? Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

3. "Safe"

I first saw this trailer when I went to go see "Haywire". For starters, it ran after the trailer for "Safe House" - kind of an odd pairing. Then, we get a generic description of a criminal underworld, before the narrator tells us that the most wanted character in the story is...a little girl. The build up and pay off to all that made this seem like a comedy. And when we are introduced to Jason Statham - dressed like a hobo but is really the greatest ex cop ever - I KNOW it's a comedy. Problem is, it's not billed as an over the top, larger than life action film - it's all taken too seriously. Give me a Charles Bronson style ridiculous fest, and I just might buy a ticket. Try to be an action drama with a been there done that story, and I just might cough up my popcorn while cackling.

No matter how bad they can be, I always make sure I arrive in time for the trailers. Yes, I may roll my eyes before wanting to gouge them out, but, more often than not, I'm laughing. Maybe some previews are meant to be hilariously bad? Or maybe I'm giving too much credit.
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